


The Aristocrats

by wimblydonner



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Gen, Humor, Parody, dead baby jokes, not safe for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-12-30
Updated: 2009-12-30
Packaged: 2017-11-13 16:22:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/505429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wimblydonner/pseuds/wimblydonner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adachi teaches Nanako a dirty joke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Aristocrats

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Persona 4 Kink Meme prompt: _Adachi teaches Nanako a dirty joke. Dojima finds out. What happens next is up to anon._

"Welcome home, Big Bro!" Nanako chimed as soon as Souji opened the door. While Souji was hanging up his coat, she continued, "Big Bro, I forgot to tell you, Adachi-san was here earlier yesterday looking for you. He seemed like he was in a real bad mood... he kept asking me all these questions about what you'd been doing."

Dojima lowered his paper. "Huh, he came here _again_?"

Nanako smiled. "But then he told me a joke! Big Bro and Rise-chan are in it!" After a moment's reflection, she added in a lower voice, "I think it might be a _dirty_ joke, though."

"Adachi told you a _dirty_ joke, huh?" Dojima said with a gentle, indulgent laugh. "Now, that doesn't sound like the Adachi I know."

"Well, I'm pretty _sure_ it's dirty..." Nanako fidgeted. "I thought it was a little gross."

Souji strolled into the living room and seated himself. Across the table, Dojima was starting to look a little worried. He couldn't picture Adachi telling any dirty jokes, but if he _had_ , Dojima certainly didn't want his daughter going around repeating it. With some reluctance, he said, "Maybe you'd better tell us this joke so we can decide whether or not it's appropriate."

Nanako grinned. "OK! All right, so Rise-chan is done with her vacation and wants to release her new single, right? So she goes to her manager and says, 'I have a great idea for my next TV special.'

"But then ... her manager says, 'We can't give you any more TV specials; we gave them to Kanamin."

"Rise says, 'Wait, wait, you have to give us a chance. I know you're going to love my idea.'

"Then Big Bro and all of his friends come into the room, and Teddie is wearing a big blue bear suit and everyone else is wearing these funny glasses!"

Dojima chuckled. Cute. "Well, that doesn't sound so dirty."

Nanako looked outraged. "Dad, I'm just getting _started_! So the manager says no, but then Big Bro gets out a huge fish and puts his pee-pee in the fish's mouth and starts humping it."

Dojima was too stunned to say anything. Souji cracked up.

"And can you guess what happens next? Kanji takes off his pants and starts putting his folding chair up his butt! And right as he's doing that, Naoto ties a rope to the ceiling fan and hangs herself upside down while screaming and says, 'Look, I'm a murder victim! The police are so dumb they don't know who killed me! Help, help, I'm decomposing!'"

Dojima slammed his fist down on the table. "THE HELL IS THIS!" He jumped up and grabbed his jacket. "Tell me the truth, Nanako. You're telling me exactly the joke _Adachi_ told you?"

"Uh-huh," Nanako nodded. "And then he said Yosuke needs to go Number One real bad, so he takes his pants off and hangs his headphones on his pee-pee and --"

Dojima raged, "The hell is that idiot _thinking_!" This wasn't fit for anyone to hear, let alone a first-grader! He started for the door. "I'm going down to the station right now! Nanako, Souji, don't either of you move a _muscle_ ; we'll sort this out when we get back!" He rushed out, letting the door slam behind him.

The room was quiet for a moment. Souji felt guilty for a moment, but he soon resumed snickering and was forced to cover his mouth to try to keep Nanako from hearing.

Nanako edged across the tatami and whispered, "Big Bro, do you want to hear the rest of the joke?"

Souji nodded.

"So while this all is going on, Rise-chan announces she's pregnant, but right then she has a miscarriage, so she starts cooking tofu with the dead baby. Meanwhile Chie and Yukiko unzip Teddie's head and there's nothing inside so they both start pooping and barfing inside Teddie and licking their poo. Adachi-san said there's a video on the Internet you should see, Big Bro, I think it was called something like '2 cups and 1 woman.'"

Souji reached for a pen. Nanako interrupted him, "Big Bro, you don't need to write that down, I wrote everything down when Adachi-san was telling me!

"So what happens next is Chie's barf has little bits of steak in it and Kanji eats them all because he's hungry. Naoto takes off her shirt and -- hold on, I didn't really understand this part." She looked down at the piece of paper where the entire sequence of vomiting, defecating, and anal masturbation was scrawled out in a child's handwriting. "--underneath her shirt are 'shitting dick nipples' and the shitting dick nipples shit all over _you_ , Big Bro, and in Rise-chan's mouth and up her hoo-haa."

Souji doubled over in laughter.

"Dammit! Adachi's not in!" The door slammed open and Dojima stormed back into the room just in time to hear the horrifying conclusion of the story.

"While all of this is going on, Yosuke can't stop farting. Then Yukiko uses MAGIC to start a fire and the farts catch fire and there's a huge explosion that blows the roof off the office and all the poop and the pee and the barf rains down _all over Inaba_.

"Big Bro and his friends just stand there in the roof-less office, covered in human excrement and with a chair in Kanji's rear end. And then for the grand finale, Chie kicks Yosuke in his bathing suit area so hard that Adachi-said his 'nads' fly off and hit the manager square in the face just as Rise says 'Ta-da!'

"And the manager says, 'My Lord. What the hell do you call an act like that?'

"And Rise says, ' _The Investigation Team_!'"

Nanako giggled.

No one knew what to do. Nanako beamed as she looked from her father to her brother, hoping for some words of response. Souji was shaking in silent laughter.

Finally, Dojima braced himself enough to put on a kindly smile. He had to remind himself that Nanako didn't know better; it wasn't _her_ fault. He kneeled down beside her and gently put a hand on her shoulder. "Okay, Nanako. What you have to do is to promise me you will never, _ever_ tell any part of this joke to _anyone_ ever again, and then we can all pretend this never happened, OK?"

"...all right." Nanako sounded disappointed. "Um ... is it OK if I already told all my friends at school?"


End file.
